i really dislike tumblr. but i need to rant, i dislike ranting, it looks attention seeking, and pathetic. i have so many built up emotions, and i have no idea how to deal with them. i’ve never classed myself as a angry, or an aggressive person, but i dont even know anymore. i have so much anger inside myself, and it scares me. i dont look at myself anymore, and like the person ive become. im see myself as a big emotional mess. i always used to moan when my so called friends would forget about me, like wasnt there. but now i dont blame them. i wouldnt want to be friends with someone like me. im two faced, a bitch & a hypocrite. i cant stand myself sometimes. i used to be comfortable with the way i looked, haha. im not big headed or anything:L but, i just feel physically sick about the way i look now. whenever someone compliments me. it makes no difference on how i feel about myself. im so confused, and lost. i feel like theres something not quite right. i want to feel loved. i know i dont deserve to. ive been a bully to people. ive made people cry before. but ive kinda changed. people have helped me become a nicer person. im so paranoid. and people dont understand why whenever, something good happens in my life. i always eventually lose it. and it hurts, more than anything. everyone that has hurt me, always said before, that they would never do anything to hurt my feelings. but they always do. i have no trust in anyone. except like 2 people. my bestfriend, and my boyfriend. they’ve always been there for me. even though im a total messed up bitch. :L i dont know what to say to them. ‘thank you’ isnt a big enough word. they will never understand how much they mean to me, and its rather upsetting. they cant see, how much i love them, and how much i always will. i know one day im going to lose my bestfriend. but, sams mine. and i hope he always will be. i cant imagine myself ever trusting and loving someone the way i do with him. yay i feel better now. bye.